I was chatting to one of my clients today…. she shared with me that she bought the dress she’ll be wearing at her daughter’s christening which is coming up VERY soon. A goal of hers is to look good in that dress. No doubt.
I was excited! My client, a Mumma who is 3 months postpartum and she’s setting health goals on her own accord. Love it!
She didn’t say these words, but my guess is that it’s more than simply ‘looking good’ for the christening, it’s about ‘feeling good’, having a high self esteem from the fact you’ve worked hard on yourself to look and feel better, on a memorable day.
In my humble opinion, feeling good about yourself would have to be one of the most important things in a person’s life. When you’re self esteem and confidence is high it flows on to all aspects of your life, from your job to the way you interact with people you meet, how you treat your loved one’s, the opportunities you seize in life… It really has a monumental effect on the way you live your life. And something close to my heart is that how you treat and feel about yourself is how your children will treat and feel about themselves as they grow up and develop. Kids learn how to behave and interact with the world around them by mimicking behaviour of those close to them, that is simple science. We choose to have kids, then we owe it to them to show them how to be.
Adding to this, my client and I touched on was how she was getting along with the small weekly goal we had set for her… It was something really easy and totally achievable. It was to swap white bread with a grainy bread with more fibre, more protein and fats from seeds and grains….
She did it! YESSS! Of course she did it and I know that may sound trivial but I know for a fact (and the reason I was really happy about that), from working with people over the last 10 years, that if you consistently kick small goals each week, little by little you chip away, success breathes success and this is exactly how you achieve the big things you thought might be in the too hard basket.
During that conversation she said something which I hear ALL THE TIME, something which is crucial to the success of my clients and you too, something which may stop her progress! It’s having mutual support from your partner. She said that her husband likes white bread, meaning – white bread is still in the house because he’s not interested in the bread I should change to, so I may have some difficulty with being consistent with that… This to me is where people can fall down, and unfortunately I’ve seen it far too many times, partners who aren’t conscious that their behaviour at home align and influence their spouses behaviour. If the behaviour is destructive, unintentionally, then it [may] only be a matter of time the person who is trying really hard falls back into habits which play out in the home.
When I’m talking about support, I’m not referring to use of words, I’m talking about action. Action speaks louder than words.
However, before placing blame on what might be sounding like unsupportive partners, I should add that it’s also your job to communicate to your partner that you need him or her to get on board with you, just a little bit, to encourage and help you along your journey of weekly changes. If you need to change the bread then you need to explain why you need to change the bread. Explain that small incremental changes are the easiest and best way for you to becoming physically and mentally healthier, feeling and looking sexier (what partner would argue with that), and ultimately being a happier person for yourself and others around you.
So please, if your partner has taken action to change, to work on themselves and their health, it’s because they want to feel good about themselves. Deep down everyone wants to be confident with high self esteem, it makes us happy.
So partners, your job is to be a team player. It might mean changing the bread you eat, it might mean drinking less alcohol, it definitely means ‘changing some of your ways’. It’s active participation, not words from the sideline.
Do you like your partner to feel and look great and have high self esteem. Think of the benefits!